Having a random hookup so left but love u
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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