YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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