Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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