i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
