I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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