If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.