why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight