I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
