I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....