i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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