Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.

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(518): She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog. http://tfl.nu/0zps

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.

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(412): Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super. http://tfl.nu/bpjq

Replies (23) Good night (776) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
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(231): View more from Michigan

I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

(231): View more from Michigan

please tell me this is not legit

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(231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait

Replies (33) Good night (5563) Bad night (607)
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(613): View more from Ontario

The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

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(613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09

Replies (30) Good night (9729) Bad night (926)
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(806): View more from Texas

Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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(806): Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever. http://tfl.nu/07ur

Replies (9) Good night (4202) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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(813): View more from Florida

I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.

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(813): I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit. http://tfl.nu/1d92

Replies (13) Good night (2658) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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(707): View more from California

I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

(1-707): View more from California

is that even a sentence?

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(707): I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina. (1-707): is that even a sentence? http://tfl.nu/j6fd

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

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(780): Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks. http://tfl.nu/2lc5

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.

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(580): It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down. http://tfl.nu/xmf3

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(914): View more from New York

at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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(914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid

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(707): View more from California

At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.

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(707): At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/z9mt

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(325): View more from Texas

I fcuked ip.

(214): View more from Texas

Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

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(325): I fcuked ip. (214): Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge? http://tfl.nu/167p

Replies (2) Good night (1377) Bad night (470)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?

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(828): he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me? http://tfl.nu/mhv8

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(904): View more from Florida

Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.

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(904): Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake. http://tfl.nu/mh4i

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(310): View more from California

So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.

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(310): So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned. http://tfl.nu/t3gi

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