I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.