dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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