Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
