my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
