My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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