She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
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