He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize