I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
