$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
