I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
