OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
