Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
