Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
