I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table