it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao