I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A bitchslap is in order.