Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle