She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"