Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.