the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
