Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
