super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just threw up on my dentist
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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