she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
