I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
