You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
