I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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