I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
