She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
