when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
