Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
