I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
