so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
