Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
