So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Michael Bay diarrhea
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
