my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
