One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
