wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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