Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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