No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
