If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
