no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
