By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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