I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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