it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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