You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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