I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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