The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
