My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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