ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
