pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
