Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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