New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
