Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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