STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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