is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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