Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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