Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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