that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
