He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize