you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
