i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
