I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
not ubering you a puppy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
