Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
