hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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